In the Bible, humankind’s first assignment from the Divine was to name everything. Whether I believe that Adam and the Garden of Eden ever existed or not, the symbolism/lesson is obvious. Names are significant to Christ’s followers and everyone who has ever lived regardless of religion or no religion. Names provide the anchor for our life story and context for everything else.
Of course, I know the power of being called derogatory names. It happens every day lately. But that isn’t where I want to focus. Instead, I want to focus on my literal legal, given to me by my Mother and Father name, and why I will change it.
I have always hated my legal name. It’s pretty dang fancy and long, but I was named after my bio-dad. I come from an area in the south where the oldest male was expected to be a II or III or Jr. That, or they would have the same first or middle name as their Dad as their first name. It’s a powerful, expected tradition from what I was taught, and to not name the oldest male in this way was considered incredibly disrespectful. The other side of that was that women were expected to take on their husband’s family name and not do so often caused couples to break up (back in the day).
The thing is, my bio Dad doesn’t deserve to have a kid he never cared for named after him. Especially me. When I got up the nerve to talk to my Mom about it before her stroke, she was troubled I would even consider changing my name. Given her feelings toward my bio Dad, I was shocked. She said it would be incredibly insulting.
At the time, I hung up the phone, saying I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I thought I would drop it because it is more money to change it legally. It would also take a lot of work to get everything changed over to the new name. Plus, my Mom would never let it go (so it seems), so why bother?
Through a series of divine appointments and “messages” I received from them, this is an opportunity for my authentic soul to control my context and power. My whole life has been waiting for others to approve of or define me, open doors and steer my direction. As a person living with a PTSD diagnosis for 16 years now, I learned that much of my life existed in learned helplessness, and I would take whatever was dished out instead of asserting my power and intentions in healthy ways.
As a result, even with all the hoops, Mom’s strong disapproval, and potential family fallout, I have decided that when I get married in THREE WEEKS, I am taking Dan’s last name and changing my legal name to Randy Thomas Scobey.
Randy has always been my given name based on an abbreviated version of my birth middle name, and I like it. So it has become my own. I am making Thomas my middle name, not to honor my Dad’s side of the family but to honor my nieces and brother, who still carry the name. Plus, every Thomas or Tommy I have ever met has been good people, so there is that. It’s also the name of the skeptical Apostle of Christ, and that is fitting too :).
Of course, my new last name will be Scobey. These Scobeys are a rambunctious bunch, and I love them. Being grafted into their family tree will honor my husband, directly identify me with Autumn, and it is all a beautiful choice I made, am making, and want to make. Plus, they love and accept me for who I am. Even with the significant differences of opinions … lol, I feel and know I am already a part of their tribe.
My intention is not to hurt or insult anyone with my name change. That said, if you are, I understand but won’t apologize. This decision is what I want and is very important to me. I am at peace and very excited about becoming Mr. Randy Scobey.