It's Time To Thrive

✨ Quick update: Sexplorer is now free to read—indefinitely, just like the other sections. When I moved everything over, Substack’s paid statuses didn’t transfer, so even former paid susbscribers were getting stuck behind the paywall. WordPress says comped subscriptions are coming soon, but until then, everything stays open.

If you enjoy what I make and want to support the work, you’re always welcome to become a paid subscriber here. Subscribing here does function normally—it’s just the import that got cranky.

Free or paid, truly, I’m grateful you’re here and reading along.

Now, to the subject at hand…

I just realized I’ve been speed-running my own pleasure like it’s a side quest.

I had an unnerving revelation this week: Lately, I have been treating my own desire like a timed exam. Not consciously. Not maliciously. Just… habitually. Like my body is a microwave meal and intimacy is the “stir halfway through” instruction.

It hit me mid‑moment — not a terribly sexy moment, mind you, but a “why am I brushing my teeth like I’m late for a flight?” moment — that I rush myself. Everywhere. But especially in bed.

And not because I’m overwhelmed with lust.

No.

Because I’m trying to be efficient. I know!? Makes no sense but all of a sudden it did.

Efficient. In intimacy?! Who raised me? Oh yeah… well, that tracks.

Anyway, while the Tibetan glass bowls playlist took a very weird turn during my spur of the moment meditation here’s what I learned:

1. My body is not on board with this plan.
   • Turns out it has opinions. Strong ones.
   • It would like me to stop treating pleasure like a speed‑walking competition.
2. Slowness is not boring.
   • It’s actually… kind of hot.
   • Like “oh, this has layers?” hot.
   • Like “why did no one tell me this earlier?” hot.
3. I have been performing competence instead of feeling things.
   • A classic. A crowd favorite. A signature Randy move.
4. The unasked for thought inserter told me (in the moment) “you can slow down,” and my entire nervous system seemed to short-circuit.
   • While rebooting, I think I saw God. Or at least a very patient version of myself.
   • This is the part of the journey where I stop being impressive and start being present.
   • Which is… shall I say… terrifying…?
   • And also overdue.

So that’s where I am this week:

1. Learning to move at the speed of my own desire instead of the speed of my fear.
2. Learning to let pleasure unfold instead of project‑managing it.
3. Learning that intimacy is not a race, a performance, or a checklist. It’s a place; and I actually like abiding here.
4. AND it is ok to have an inordinate amount of bullet point lists in a blog post because overcoming the efficiency trap is a one-area-of-life-at-a-time project. Now I just have to schedule those other areas.<–Joking :)… or am I? Why am I still on this bullet point?

Ok, that’s it for this post 🙂 If this hit something tender or your funny bone*, Mugwump Ramblings, Wayfinder and Thrive are exploring the same theme from different angles this week. Apparently I’m in my “b*tch, stop being so bottled up” era.

For Monday’s Mugwump Ramblings: If today’s Sexplorer is about slowing down in intimacy, Monday’s Mugwump is about slowing down in everything else — the emotional version of taking our foot off the gas.

For Wednesday’s Wayfinder: This week’s Wayfinder picks up the thread: what does it look like to navigate life at the pace our body actually wants, not the one our brain insists on?

For Friday’s Thrive: Thrive this week is the practical companion to this post — An Erma Bombeck style of looking at how to build a life that doesn’t require you to rush through your own experience.

IF you don’t know who Erma Bombeck is, you poor uncultured child ;).